Sleep

All of a sudden I seem to be doing more of it, and at night even; going to bed at a reasonable hour (midnight), tossing and turning for a short while and then blissful sleep - 8 to 10 hours of it. Amazing. Unheard of. Unnatural, for me.

For as long as I can remember I could always sleep easily and well during the day but come night time, any time after 7 pm, sleep and I were not compatible. I was told that even as an infant I did not sleep at night. I know the reason why and I guess that just became a part of my rhythms. I always say I'm not a morning person but really, if you have had only had 3 or 4 restless hours of sleep how chipper and alert are you going to be?

I do prefer the night time, when all is quiet and darkness is a comfy cozy blanket; yet there is still an element of fear. But daylight is a safe time, it's light and bright and there is no where to hide. Night time has shadows, and every whisper of a sound becomes a shout.

I don't know why I am sleeping more and better. All of the fears that keep me up at night are still front and center. I hardly have a thought, night or day, that is not associated with the fear of something. Mostly, I'm afraid of the house. I don't trust this house or anything in it. The house scares the hell out of me and I don't feel safe here. Not in this house, this neighborhood, this city.

And yet, I am sleeping well and for that I am grateful. Old subconscious fears and new more concrete fears, aren't keeping me awake so much. Maybe I am so tired after so many years of restless sleep it's all just catching up to me, or maybe, this thought just came to me, I am sleeping because